February 20, 2009 Transitions

The vestiges if my chemo have almost disappeared. The bone pain is gone completely for which I am very grateful. The numbness in my fingers and toes lingers but has lessened this past week.

Today I have my port removed. I won't be needing it anymore. It is outpatient surgery at St. Joe's and requires only a local anesthetic. I'd been put to sleep for its implant by Dr. Corn. Dr. Kato didn't want me to go back to her so Dr. Mosharaffa agreed to remove it. I am so happy to finally have it removed.

For six months it has resided just below my left collar bone, a constant irritant with what I thought was some sort of pin floating just beneath my skin, constantly "poking" me from inside out as if it might push through.

Dr. Mosharaffa is ready for me early. My husband has just returned to the waiting room with my Starbucks, another perk of St. Joe's. The nurse let's me bring it to pre-op while they prep me and ask the dozens of the same questions I've answered a dozen times. Any allergies to latex, any problems with anesthetics? Any complaints? Cancer, I remind them.

I walk into the operating room and climb on the table. Dr. Mosharaffa enters gowned and masked, his beautiful dark eyes exuding warmth. He feels the site with his fingers. "You've got a suture in here," he says sounding surprised.

I am fully draped, my head covered until my thoughtful nurse makes a tent to hold the sheet off my face. The doctor, two nurses and I make small talk throughout the numbing and opening of my inch long port scar.

"There it is. Look at that, they left it in here," says Dr. M and then it gets quiet as he deals with the unexpected impediment to the port removal.

I feel no pain after the few needle pokes to numb me but it's strange to feel the pulling and prodding of someone inside your body. It takes about 10 minutes. Then I am sealed up with surgical glue and lay there another 5 minutes for the glue to dry with the aid of a blower the nurse holds over my wound.

"Look at this," the other nurse says, showing me the suture they'd removed. It is 6 or so inches long.

"It's not wrong to use a fiberglass suture," Dr. M says, pulling his gloves off. "I just don't know why you would or why you wouldn't cut the tail off," He wonders out loud. It is understood we will not reference who did this or her other mistakes.

"Feel this," the nurse says, "sharp as a needle!"

No one needs to tell me how sharp it is but I feel it anyway. Dr. Corn had tied a knot and left an inch long tail. Six months of this unnecessary thorn in the flesh. They show me the port itself - it looks exactly like it felt - like a flying saucer.

I get up and walk out of surgery. My Starbucks is still warm. The nurses wouldn't think of letting me waste it. They've saved it for me at their station.

Next stop......radiation.