October 7th 2008, Random thoughts

If you saw the movie The Perfect Storm, you'll remember how many conditions were met to cause one moment in time where a terrible and powerful storm gathered over the North Atlantic. Everything was in the timing.

I truly believe God has healed me through the hands of some precious saints, though only time will tell. Truthfully that's what makes it a bit frustrating to have to go forward with all the remaining treatment. But I have believed for some time it might be necessary to endure the full program in order to effectively minister to others who go through this. So I will run the good race for my Lord.

I've been wondering if my tenacious clinging to life is an indication of weak faith. Why do we fight so hard to postpone our entry to heaven? It seems somehow strange. But God created me this way. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says He "set eternity" in our hearts. We have a "forever" outlook but are unable to see that transition wall, so to speak, where we cross over from our earthly lives to our heavenly ones. It is good to think about our moment in time on earth.

When I was awaiting the diagnosis of my cancer - does she or doesn't she - I picked up a book titled "One Month to Live"(sounds like a soap opera). I asked myself, "What would I do if I knew I only had one month to live?". I found it hard to answer unless you actually have been given such news. And once I heard the word "cure" I lost the clarity of possibilities. It's pretty hard to focus on living well and dying well at the same time.

Shortly before this cancer adventure began, a lot of changes took place in my life which looking back, I realize now, were preparing me for this time. It was a difficult and painful time, but I saw God's hand burning away the dross of my life. I didn't understand at first - the importance of letting go of my plans. But He knew, for such a time as this, I would hold up better without the baggage. So I opened my hands and let go. I gave Him all of me. That was in April. Two months before my big news. Perfect timing for my perfect storm.As I said - random thoughts.