September 11th 2008, 3rd Chemo Looking back)

I approached my second chemo treatment last week with all the fortitude I could muster. My readings and the comments of friends and doctors had prepared me for the worst. So I laid around for a few days following, waiting for whatever was going to hit me before I realized I was off the hook again.

Considering the possibilities, it hardly seems worth mentioning but within a few days of treatment my hair had thinned to the point it was time to shave my head. My husband approached this with the solemnity he felt the occasion required. I had hoped for some levity.

Not facing a mirror, I felt every pass of his electric razor convinced he was missing spots and fighting the urge to grab it from his hands and do it myself. When he was finished I took a look. He hadn't missed a hair. I stared at the image in my mirror with shock at the naked head staring back. I felt exposed, truly naked and like Eve I wanted to run from the humiliation of it. My wig, hats and scarves felt horrible against the short nap of hair remaining so we went back at it with shaving cream and a razor blade. Now that, without a doubt, is the strangest physical sensation I have ever felt. The echo in my skull of the blade scraping across thinly covered bone was bazaar.

I will never forget the look on my husband's face when he looked at me straight on. It nearly knocked the wind out of him and he quickly pulled me into a hug to keep me from seeing his tears. It's sort of a reality check - my wife really does have cancer. It took a few days to adjust. I realized Shoyei had adapted when he commented a few days later "Who would of known I'd end up married to a bald old man?"(and he shunned my bowling ball joke!). For those menopausal women you will appreciate that at the onset of a hot flash, throwing off one's head covering provides instant relief!

There was a second major event last week. My chemo oncology doctor quit. He literally showed up last Wednesday and announced it was his last day! He had a great opportunity to start an oncology facility in Show Low. His patients never heard a word from him. Somewhat shocking for all involved. He left the remaining doctors in the practice scrambling to pick up the multiple balls he dropped, slotting us into their already full schedules.

I am blessed to have landed in the hands of a better doctor(by reputation) whom I already love, Dr Kato is 1/2 Japanese(likeShoyei) and his other half is Cuban. He is sweet and gentle and confident. My first visit to him yielded really good news. The lymph nodes, which this chemo is intended to shrink prior to my surgery, have already shrunk! He felt nothing! I rest in the arms of my Savior.